When There's No One Around

I live alone and enjoy it about 95% of the time. This is why.

1. I don't have to share the bathroom with anyone.

2. I don't have to make my bed.

3. I can make blanket forts in my living room and can leave them up as long as I want.

4. I can cut flowers from the yard without asking permission.

5. I can hula-hoop in my living room and not worry about breaking anything.

6. I can drink straight from the carton.

7. I can listen to 90's boy-band music and dance spasmodically in my living room without fear of embarrassment.

8. I have full remote control.

9. I can sit backwards on the couch with my head touching the floor and my feet in the air and pretend I live in an upside down land.

10. I can sing really loudly in the shower, or anywhere for that matter.


In short, always call before visiting. I could be dancing naked in my backyard in homage to the goddess of harvest or playing tag with my cats (they're really terrible at it).

Lord I was born a ramblin man . . .

Tryin' to make a livin' and doin' the best I can.

Spring has sprung . . . and then retracted. It's been beautiful here in the crotch of the corn belt for the last few weeks. I planted and sewed my seeds and plants only to see frost this morning when I woke up. Tragic. I think most everything will make it through this cold snap but it was disappointing to dash out of bed this morning and straight to the thermostat to turn on the heat.

Anyway, I've been trying my hand at gardening. I want pretty flowers, a green lawn, and fresh fruit and veg. I'm just not sure how dedicated I'll be in July when the humidity sets in and I can't be outside for more than a few minutes without beads of sweat forming on my upper lip. Time will tell I suppose.

My self-synopsis is pretty spot on, I tend to begin everything with lots of energy and excitement only to get bored halfway through and abandon it to the pile of lost hobbies a few months later. I've never been good at follow-thru.

Knowing this, I made sure that most of my plants are easily maintained and annual. It's much easier to get invested in something when you know you'll have it next year and the year after. I'd much rather have things constant than have things fun.

I can't believe I've just made an entire post about gardening as a metaphore for my life. This is probably boring. I can't tell any more. It's my life so it all seems important, even the rose bushes and fairy lilies.

Things You Shouldn't Talk About

I'm totally hitting a wall right now with this blog. There are tons of things going on but I have absolutely no desire to write them down. Basically I suck at life.

So I'm pushing past the pain long-distance runner style.

I've had some amazing opportunities with my job in the last few months, those of you who follow me on Twitter or Facebook know and, I'm sure, are justifiably jealous.

Well yesterday was the be-all, end-all of epic work perks. I got to attend a luncheon for the Center for the Prevention of Abuse. It's a wonderful non-profit focused on helping those abused or raped move on and get away from their abuser.

It's a cause that is very close to my heart, something I wish I could be more involved in and maybe someday I will be.

Anyway, the key note speaker was Vice President Joe Biden. Those of you who know me IRL know that I'm a staunch Libertarian, I'm for individual freedom and not much else. I did, however, vote Obama in the last election. As a Libertarian who voted Obama I'm required by law to dislike about half of the things he and Biden have done while in office. As I'm not one for political debates I'll leave it at that.

However, Biden's speech was amazing, inspiring, and made me really like him. Honestly, the inappropriate things he's done in office (this is a BIG FUCKING DEAL) made me predisposed to like him immensely anyway. He also managed to say SOB and badass.

Someone has a new political crush!

Here's part of Biden's speech.

Anyway, this post is part PSA and part bragging about how awesome my life is.

The PSA part is the link. Domestic abuse and rape are the only crimes where the victim is put on trial. It's heartbreaking to know that not only are the victims put on trial, but the trial itself comes down to he said; she said. It's hard to convict, and therefore seems almost pointless to report. I don't know how to fix it, besides education, public understanding and awareness.

I'm really just in awe of how passionate Biden seems to be on this issue and am grateful that he didn't use this as a platform to talk about anything but the topic at hand.

Thanks for doing it right Vice President.

I knew you were crazy, just not THAT crazy.

You know those families where everyone's out of their mind but they're your family so you love them? Mine's not like that. - The Wedding Date

Okay, so I do still love my family. I think they're totally great and couldn't adore each and every one of them more if I tried. But (and there's always a but, isn't there?), about 50% of them are THAT kind of crazy.

A history of mental illness that, if written out, would be taller than I am floods both sides of my family. Ranging from alcoholism and drug addiction to schizophrenia and dementia back down to just plain white-trash, beating the crap out of your significant other while wearing a tight white t-shirt a la Street Car and drinking Natural Light.

Yeah, I'm abusive, but look how cute I am!

CG finally got a real peak inside the honest to God crazy in the family this weekend. I'm sure it was eye opening. I kept warning him, trying to tell stories, to lessen the blow that was sure to come, but I don't think he really believed until this weekend.

I won't go fully into it because, well, yet again these aren't really my stories to tell but it involved an AK-47, a video camera, a hoarder, an abusive spouse, a serial cheater, and a control freak. No one was harmed or had the potential to be harmed but uncomfortable silence was had by all.

This is what I would call a good weekend, a fun weekend. I had an absolute blast. It was, after all, my 25th birthday and I got an extra $20 out of participating in the crazy with a positive attitude.

If you pay me enough I'll pretend your shit don't stink, your kind of crazy is perfectly normal, and that I am totally okay with whatever screwed up thing you're participating in. I'm basically an emotional whore, I'll react however you want, for a price. It's a system that works well in my family.

Honestly, money isn't the currency I'm usually paid in to go along with familial delusion. What I get out of it is peace and a relatively detached emotional state that keeps my mental health in good standing.

Crazy is much more fun when viewed from the outside.

Now to add a disclaimer: While everything said here is absolutely true, it's all said with a smile and love. For all of the crazy in my family it's also filled with more than it's fair share of love, understanding, good will and most importantly growth. They are (with one or two exceptions) good people with amazing life stories, harrowing experiences, and hope for the future and themselves.

My grandmother is a perfect example of this. My mother's mother is an absolutely amazing woman. She used to race stock cars and motorcycles, drives a Mustang and just a year ago had a stroke while riding bitch on the back of a Harley. She tapped her husband around the middle, got him to pull over, laid on the grass, had the stroke, got back on the bike and had him drive to the hospital. She's a total bad ass and while things in her life are far from perfect she handles herself with grace and humor and never takes anything too seriously, even death.

She told me on Saturday that while she was lying on the side of the highway during the stroke, sure that she was facing death she thought to herself, "Jeanie, calm down, you were doing something you loved, something that you enjoyed, it's a beautiful day and you're going on a day that was good." "Then, of course, I didn't die, I was ready and nothing happened!"

So even though I'm sure to descend into crazy as I get older I'll have fun doing it.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

I've got no real excuse for a week long hiatus. I've been sick for the last 5 or so days, but honestly that gives me more time for long-winded writing, not less.

The main thing is that I don't have much to say. Things are going well, I'm getting more and more excited for up coming trip, and getting all my ducks in a row for the whirlwind that will be the next month and a half.

So Happy St. Patrick's Day and I'll try to think of something more entertaining for my next blog.

Ac-cen-tuate the Positive

The last month has been pretty nasty for me. Lots of gross, sad things happening and it was all too easy for me to get lost in them and forget about the great things, the amazing things. Well my trip home this past weekend got me past a lot of that.

I'm not going to go into why I'm re-prioritizing because it's not my story to tell, but suffice it to say that the things that seemed so huge and scary just days ago have been made ludicrous. My problems are laughable and I've had a very good time the last two days doing just that.

So I've got some amazing, fantastic, unbelievably awesome news (at least for me). I mentioned earlier my possible trip across the pond to the U.K., it's now a total go. My middle sister, Meg, is already in Swansea doing a study abroad program at University. My youngest sister and I will be going over to see her on (or around) May 15.

This was all brought about by two fabulous ladies that have done more for us girls than anyone should, especially considering how terrible we are at keeping in contact with them. Our Fairy Godmothers have given us their hard won frequent flier miles.

Excuse me, I'm not sure if you heard me . . . WE'RE GOING TO FLY TO AND FROM LONDON FO' FREEZIE.

I'm going International bitches! It's Callie - the World Tour. I'm spending a week in England and Ireland with my fabulous sisters, doing fabulous things, seeing castles, going to the sea-side, and pretending to be posh.

I promise not to do a fake British accent, but I can't promise to stop being awesome.

I can feel the eye-rolls from you world travelers out there, but I'm pointedly ignoring you. I've never been farther than Canada and Mexico. I'm going to be taking a huge, international plane. I'm going to be jet-lagged. I'm going to see London, I'm going to meet the Queen (okay, maybe I'll just be a creep and tour her palace - OMG I'm going to be in a palace!!!), I'm going to make faces at the palace guard, I'm going to visit places where Jane Austin lived, I'm going to drink myself silly in an Irish pub, I'm going to get my picture taken on the bridge where The Quiet Man was filmed, I'm going to meet a handsome Irishman and have a torrid affair that will end after a drunken kiss when Meg pulls me off and reminds me about CG. I will then try to set up Meg with said Irishman because she needs to have little Irish-brogue-speaking babies.

Meanwhile, my youngest sister, Myme, will be singing Danny Boy with the best of them and will be asked to stay in Ireland to attend University there on a vocal scholarship and get her law degree in Dublin or some equally charming local.

Okay so the last bit, after the bridge from The Quiet Man will most likely not happen, but it's my dream sequence and I'll end it how I want.

So if any of you are "world travelers" yourself, hell, if you've ever looked through a book about England and thought, "well that would be neat to see" please feel free to give advice, or tell me about places of interest, things to do, foods to eat, beer to drink, or places to stay.

Thanks and YAY ME!!!!

$13.98

A few weeks ago I found an absolute deal. A new shampoo and conditioner had just come out and there was a rebate attached to it - for the full amount of purchase. I happily picked the set up, dutifully filled in the forms, put on a stamp and sent it off. Today I got a check for $13.98 in the mail.

I'm so excited to cash my check. I'm so savvy! LMAO.