Happy Valentines Day to those of you who enjoy it. I have a feeling that I've discussed this before, but it was probably before I made the blog a little more PC and a little less personal. I've deleted an excessively large number of posts to make this a bit more relative and friend friendly.
I've always enjoyed Valentines Day. My parents got married on February 14th, not very original, I know, but it does make for an immediate love for the holiday. I have another reason for my devotion to the holiday. Dad would always get us girls a separate card and stuffed animal just from him. The card was always the best part. Dad's really good at the card thing, he always found the perfect card for us and it almost always made me cry. As we grew up and moved out the cards just from Dad stopped, which is fine and understandable, but the memory of Dad coming in early on February 14th, sometimes waking us up at 4 or 5 in the morning just before he headed in to work to give me my gift is something that I will always remember and always treasure.
/goopy love junk
For those of you who think Valentines Day is a Hallmark Holiday of the first water, have a wonderful weekend and think of all that delicious discount candy you can get on the 15th. Someone has to eat the chocolate out of those unloved heart shaped boxes, you don't want them to feel left out do you? Do you?
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Friday, February 12, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
So Weird
Sorry, there's no Fi here, or her crazy (apparently incest having) mother Mackenzie Phillips - too soon?!?
Seriously, that whole drama just terrifies and disgusts the crap out of me, poor Mac! So Weird was a completely epic television show though, I miss it.
/random blog-jack
Anyway, on to the original point of my post: Babies and the people who have them. A college friend just had her second. In fact a good portion of my friends and family have been popping them out left and right. I love babies, which probably comes as a shock to anyone who knew me in high school as I hated all children with a vengeance usually reserved for people who club baby seals.
As my cousins and friends start their families I do get that little tug from the center of my stomach, that want/need to make one of these myself. That "I need a baby" fever.
However, once that fog clears I just keep thinking that these people are my age or younger. How are they ready for kids? They're so young with so many other things that they could be experiencing sans all the kiddy crap they're now forced to tote around. I still feel so young, I know as a 17 year old I thought 24 was just about as old as you can get, but now, now I just feel like there's so much that I don't know.
I'm not in a place in my life where I'm even remotely ready for children, how can other women my age be? I see pictures of babies in incubators fresh from mommy's womb and wonder how they can be so ready.
I guess what I'm saying is that I love babies and one day I'd really like to have one of my own, but I don't understand how to be an adult, much less a parent. I still dance around my living room, build forts out of blankets, eat fudge-cicles, make snow angels, and I never make my bed. I think I'm way to childish to have a child of my own and I don't think I'll ever really grow up.
I still see the 12 year old with a tight ponytail, who reads smutty books under the covers late at night and locks herself in her room when she's angry. My mom had me when she was 23, did she still feel like a kid? Do I really have to grow up at some point and will I do it without even realizing it?
Seriously, that whole drama just terrifies and disgusts the crap out of me, poor Mac! So Weird was a completely epic television show though, I miss it.
/random blog-jack
Anyway, on to the original point of my post: Babies and the people who have them. A college friend just had her second. In fact a good portion of my friends and family have been popping them out left and right. I love babies, which probably comes as a shock to anyone who knew me in high school as I hated all children with a vengeance usually reserved for people who club baby seals.
As my cousins and friends start their families I do get that little tug from the center of my stomach, that want/need to make one of these myself. That "I need a baby" fever.
However, once that fog clears I just keep thinking that these people are my age or younger. How are they ready for kids? They're so young with so many other things that they could be experiencing sans all the kiddy crap they're now forced to tote around. I still feel so young, I know as a 17 year old I thought 24 was just about as old as you can get, but now, now I just feel like there's so much that I don't know.
I'm not in a place in my life where I'm even remotely ready for children, how can other women my age be? I see pictures of babies in incubators fresh from mommy's womb and wonder how they can be so ready.
I guess what I'm saying is that I love babies and one day I'd really like to have one of my own, but I don't understand how to be an adult, much less a parent. I still dance around my living room, build forts out of blankets, eat fudge-cicles, make snow angels, and I never make my bed. I think I'm way to childish to have a child of my own and I don't think I'll ever really grow up.
I still see the 12 year old with a tight ponytail, who reads smutty books under the covers late at night and locks herself in her room when she's angry. My mom had me when she was 23, did she still feel like a kid? Do I really have to grow up at some point and will I do it without even realizing it?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Mea Culpa
So, I went back to the family farm for Christmas like I do every year. It was super fantastic, no fights, very little yelling, and lots of great watery smiles. We went to my Dad's family Christmas on Christmas Eve where we got to see my aunt's new boobs for the first time. They were very nice looking, although I couldn't look at them straight on, staring at a family member's boobs is like looking at an eclipse, they should never be viewed full on.
A fabby time was had by all, although I have to admit I was a little sad that we didn't make it to the Christmas light display in the city this year. We did, however, find a ridiculously decorated house a few blocks from church after Christmas Eve services.
To derail wildly from the original topic: I'm not a huge fan of my parents church, just a lot of personal issues: the new pastor is kind of an ass. He decided that the church needed one of those swinging incense thingies that Catholics have (my family is Missouri-Synod Lutheran). The first time he used it he accidentally smoked the entire congregation - none of them were very forgiving and when he overloaded it a bit the next service you could feel the eye rolling going on. A guy I've spoken to maybe twice since he started coming tapped me on the shoulder and told me loudly during the sermon how ridiculous it was. Lutherans DO NOT talk or make noise during service (which is why I was always a terrible member).
This is probably not amusing to anyone else, but I giggle a bit every time I think of that 20 something pompous wind-bag choking on his own incense. I'm obviously a terrible person.
Okay, back on track: Christmas day was great, lots of good fun that is funny and all that. I got Dad an MP3 player already loaded with songs, however, once it was plugged into my sisters laptop to play on speakers it automatically downloaded her songs and deleted mine. So now Dad has the Spice Girls and other pop music phenoms from the 90's. He's a little less than thrilled about that.
Our big gift was the trip to the mountains that we left for the following day.
A fabby time was had by all, although I have to admit I was a little sad that we didn't make it to the Christmas light display in the city this year. We did, however, find a ridiculously decorated house a few blocks from church after Christmas Eve services.
To derail wildly from the original topic: I'm not a huge fan of my parents church, just a lot of personal issues: the new pastor is kind of an ass. He decided that the church needed one of those swinging incense thingies that Catholics have (my family is Missouri-Synod Lutheran). The first time he used it he accidentally smoked the entire congregation - none of them were very forgiving and when he overloaded it a bit the next service you could feel the eye rolling going on. A guy I've spoken to maybe twice since he started coming tapped me on the shoulder and told me loudly during the sermon how ridiculous it was. Lutherans DO NOT talk or make noise during service (which is why I was always a terrible member).
This is probably not amusing to anyone else, but I giggle a bit every time I think of that 20 something pompous wind-bag choking on his own incense. I'm obviously a terrible person.
Okay, back on track: Christmas day was great, lots of good fun that is funny and all that. I got Dad an MP3 player already loaded with songs, however, once it was plugged into my sisters laptop to play on speakers it automatically downloaded her songs and deleted mine. So now Dad has the Spice Girls and other pop music phenoms from the 90's. He's a little less than thrilled about that.
Our big gift was the trip to the mountains that we left for the following day.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
More Christmas Past
My Senior year of high school was the first time I was ever able to afford to buy gifts for others.
Honestly that's what changed my whole Christmas experience. All the fun came back. I was finally able to treasure the gifts I got because I realized how much thought, time, and care went in to picking them out, because I had spent months doing the same for them. Every gift was precious because it was from them, because all they wanted to do was make me happy. Put that smile on my face, you know the one, the one that comes along when someone finds you that perfect gift. That gift that you didn't even know you wanted. That something that proved that they knew you so perfectly and cared about you so much.
That's my goal with Christmas every year, finding something that gives them that smile. I don't manage it every year, but I see it enough to keep me going.
So that's my Christmas Secret. Why I love Christmas so much, why I start listening to Christmas music on December 1st and keep listening until it goes off the air. Why I want to spend every spare moment with the ones I love. Why I love wrapping presents with expensive and beautiful wrapping paper. Why I write Christmas cards every year. Why it's hard to frown in December.
It's just around the corner. Spread the Christmas Love.
Honestly that's what changed my whole Christmas experience. All the fun came back. I was finally able to treasure the gifts I got because I realized how much thought, time, and care went in to picking them out, because I had spent months doing the same for them. Every gift was precious because it was from them, because all they wanted to do was make me happy. Put that smile on my face, you know the one, the one that comes along when someone finds you that perfect gift. That gift that you didn't even know you wanted. That something that proved that they knew you so perfectly and cared about you so much.
That's my goal with Christmas every year, finding something that gives them that smile. I don't manage it every year, but I see it enough to keep me going.
So that's my Christmas Secret. Why I love Christmas so much, why I start listening to Christmas music on December 1st and keep listening until it goes off the air. Why I want to spend every spare moment with the ones I love. Why I love wrapping presents with expensive and beautiful wrapping paper. Why I write Christmas cards every year. Why it's hard to frown in December.
It's just around the corner. Spread the Christmas Love.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Christmas
I know, I know, it's still to early to do a Christmas post. I'm going to do one any way.
I used to be a real Grinch during the Christmas season. I remember in Middle School how much I hated what I considered a pale imitation of a pagan festival put on by Hallmark. Still, as Christmas got closer I'd get a childlike joy that I worked hard to squash into a tiny, bitter, little ball by Christmas Eve. I'd sit through Christmas services at church with a smirk on my face, attend my Great-Aunts Christmas Eve Party with an eye roll and a plead for my parents to let us leave in an hour. After the party we would always drive around looking at Christmas lights, I would pretend I was asleep in the car. We'd get home and Mom would make us change into the most horrific matching Christmas pajamas in the world. My sisters and I would dutifully put them on and go to bed.
The next morning we would all wait for our Grandparents to arrive, open our presents and after everything was open a terrible, awful, hateful thought would run through my mind: Is this it? Even as a preteen monster I felt awful for feeling that way. I couldn't figure out what I was missing, why Christmas stopped being fun, why I wasn't happy or excited for it any more.
It wasn't even about not getting what I wanted for Christmas, my parents always pulled out all the stops and I'll be the first to admit that my sisters and I were incredibly blessed and even spoiled by them during Christmas. It was something that I couldn't understand. Why was Christmas always such a huge build up and then such a huge letdown?
I felt that way until my Senior year of High School.
I used to be a real Grinch during the Christmas season. I remember in Middle School how much I hated what I considered a pale imitation of a pagan festival put on by Hallmark. Still, as Christmas got closer I'd get a childlike joy that I worked hard to squash into a tiny, bitter, little ball by Christmas Eve. I'd sit through Christmas services at church with a smirk on my face, attend my Great-Aunts Christmas Eve Party with an eye roll and a plead for my parents to let us leave in an hour. After the party we would always drive around looking at Christmas lights, I would pretend I was asleep in the car. We'd get home and Mom would make us change into the most horrific matching Christmas pajamas in the world. My sisters and I would dutifully put them on and go to bed.
The next morning we would all wait for our Grandparents to arrive, open our presents and after everything was open a terrible, awful, hateful thought would run through my mind: Is this it? Even as a preteen monster I felt awful for feeling that way. I couldn't figure out what I was missing, why Christmas stopped being fun, why I wasn't happy or excited for it any more.
It wasn't even about not getting what I wanted for Christmas, my parents always pulled out all the stops and I'll be the first to admit that my sisters and I were incredibly blessed and even spoiled by them during Christmas. It was something that I couldn't understand. Why was Christmas always such a huge build up and then such a huge letdown?
I felt that way until my Senior year of High School.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thanksgiving Thoughts
Thanksgiving is upon us woot, yay, huzzah and all that. While I desperately love any holiday that allows me to have two pieces of pie without a dirty look, I'm not super excited about it. What I am SUPER excited about is after Thanksgiving. CG and his family are coming down on Friday and will be spending the weekend with us. FES's (I think I've talked about FES on here before, maybe, anyway our Foreign Exchange Student from Germany) uncle and brother will be coming in as well. Our house will be absolutely packed, which means that my sisters and I get to stay at Grandpa's house.
I haven't spent the night at Grandpa's house since Memaw died, at first because it was too painful to even go inside the house where I spent most of my childhood, then later because it was too painful watching Grandpa making the house into a shrine to her. Over the last year things have gotten better for him, which we are all very grateful for. The house, while still featuring an alter of sorts on the kitchen island devoted to Memaw, has changed, it's easier to go inside and spend time there, finally.
So all of us girls will be spending our nights at Grandpa's again, on that big white feather comforter, in the middle of the floor of the living room, in front of the old console tv, maybe we'll even watch old cartoons, just like we used to when Memaw was around. I think we're all looking forward to it, things like this bring back so many good memories and when we can create new memories from the old, knowing that Grandpa is sleeping alone in his bed doesn't feel so terrible.
So this Thanksgiving I'm grateful for the ability to move on. Terrible, tragic things happen, things that we're sure we'll never be able to move on from, to get over. But we do, that's what's so amazing about the human race: our ability to hope, grow, learn, get better.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone, safe travels, and be well.
I haven't spent the night at Grandpa's house since Memaw died, at first because it was too painful to even go inside the house where I spent most of my childhood, then later because it was too painful watching Grandpa making the house into a shrine to her. Over the last year things have gotten better for him, which we are all very grateful for. The house, while still featuring an alter of sorts on the kitchen island devoted to Memaw, has changed, it's easier to go inside and spend time there, finally.
So all of us girls will be spending our nights at Grandpa's again, on that big white feather comforter, in the middle of the floor of the living room, in front of the old console tv, maybe we'll even watch old cartoons, just like we used to when Memaw was around. I think we're all looking forward to it, things like this bring back so many good memories and when we can create new memories from the old, knowing that Grandpa is sleeping alone in his bed doesn't feel so terrible.
So this Thanksgiving I'm grateful for the ability to move on. Terrible, tragic things happen, things that we're sure we'll never be able to move on from, to get over. But we do, that's what's so amazing about the human race: our ability to hope, grow, learn, get better.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone, safe travels, and be well.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Hate
I've been thinking about hate a lot recently. When I was young my sisters and I used to scream our hatred of each other for everyone to hear when we got mad. Just the word hate would send mom careening down the hallway towards us like a bullet. She'd lean down, look into our faces and say, "we don't hate in this house, we don't say that word, you DO NOT hate. You may not like someone, but you never hate."
I don't think any of us girls got it back then. I "hated" everything, my sisters, boys, math, science, that bitch who betrayed me in theatre, red lights, and getting my picture taken.
The hate of a teenager is a massive and fluid thing. That's the type of hate that isn't hate at all. It's testing boundaries, trying to control your hormones and wondering just what the fuck happened to make you such a basket case.
As I get older mom's words make more and more sense. I've never really hated anyone or anything. Not in a lasting way. There's only one time in my life that I think I experienced hate as a real emotion and with a few years and a lot of growing it's disappeared.
Lasting hate, irrational hate, the hate that leads to violence I've never felt nor understood. I'm glad. I can't imagine carrying that around with me.
Mom's a wise woman.
We don't hate in this house.
You may not like someone, but you never hate.
After getting that lecture from Mom my sisters and I would look at each other, stick out our tongues and say, "I really, really dislike you."
We were so sweet.
I don't think any of us girls got it back then. I "hated" everything, my sisters, boys, math, science, that bitch who betrayed me in theatre, red lights, and getting my picture taken.
The hate of a teenager is a massive and fluid thing. That's the type of hate that isn't hate at all. It's testing boundaries, trying to control your hormones and wondering just what the fuck happened to make you such a basket case.
As I get older mom's words make more and more sense. I've never really hated anyone or anything. Not in a lasting way. There's only one time in my life that I think I experienced hate as a real emotion and with a few years and a lot of growing it's disappeared.
Lasting hate, irrational hate, the hate that leads to violence I've never felt nor understood. I'm glad. I can't imagine carrying that around with me.
Mom's a wise woman.
We don't hate in this house.
You may not like someone, but you never hate.
After getting that lecture from Mom my sisters and I would look at each other, stick out our tongues and say, "I really, really dislike you."
We were so sweet.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Surprise!
So I'm driving around my tiny town looking for a free air pump to fill my tires last night at 10:00 in the evening. I find one, do my thing, buy some gas, flirt harmlessly with the clerk who has sort of adorable cauliflower ears (seriously, it made him look adorable) - all the while checking my blackberry messages in one hand and my personal email on my iPhone in the other. I get back in the car and decide to give the parental units a call.
I call, talk to Daddy, mention that I'll be seeing them on Saturday and how I can't wait. When he says, oh we'll be seeing you sooner than that we're coming up tomorrow.
Uhh - what? Yeah, so they're visiting my youngest sister's new college which is about an hour away from where I live and they'll be staying the night at my house. That's fine normally. I LOVE when they come to visit because they do it so rarely. However, I'm in the middle of several big home projects, haven't cleaned my house in like a month, and need to mow my lawn. Ugh - so I was up until about 1 or 2 last night trying to get at least some semblance of order into my home. I'm also getting off work an hour early in hopes of doing a mad lawn dash to cut down the dandelions.
All I can say is when they get here they better be in a good mood and happy to see me or I'll be busting some heads.
I call, talk to Daddy, mention that I'll be seeing them on Saturday and how I can't wait. When he says, oh we'll be seeing you sooner than that we're coming up tomorrow.
Uhh - what? Yeah, so they're visiting my youngest sister's new college which is about an hour away from where I live and they'll be staying the night at my house. That's fine normally. I LOVE when they come to visit because they do it so rarely. However, I'm in the middle of several big home projects, haven't cleaned my house in like a month, and need to mow my lawn. Ugh - so I was up until about 1 or 2 last night trying to get at least some semblance of order into my home. I'm also getting off work an hour early in hopes of doing a mad lawn dash to cut down the dandelions.
All I can say is when they get here they better be in a good mood and happy to see me or I'll be busting some heads.
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