Perfection

I can't do anything perfectly.

When I paint rooms I get paint on the ceiling and baseboards, when I clean I always forget something, when I cook, it's never quite right, when I garden it's in the wrong place, when I sing it's always slightly off-key, when I write it's never exactly what I want to say, when I speak it's always meaner than I mean.

I tend to be touchy when it comes to criticism. I already know there's something off with everything I do, therefore I feel no need to be reminded of it. I shut down pretty quickly when that happens.

Now, if you want to get all psychological you could say that my belief that everything I do is wrong could be related to low self-esteem or self-hate.

I say that's bullshit. There's nothing really wrong with how I do things, I only said there's something not quite right.

I think it's a pretty common feeling. Everyone thinks that their meatloaf, chicken noodle soup (insert homestyle recipe here) isn't as good as their mohters, that their co-workers are smarter, their father is braver, their sisters are prettier, their brothers are stronger, that marriage is healthier, that design is more creative.

It's human nature to see your flaws more easily than those of others. My challenge to myself is to turn the flaws that I see into reminders of the things that I've done.

That small lavendar smear of paint in the corner of my bedroom ceiling - proof that I'm not afraid of color and don't need stupid blue tape to paint a wall.

Those white paint drips in the back of my kitchen cabinets - proof that I can sand, strip, and repaint my kitchen cabinets by myself in 3 months.

That rickety bedside table - proof I can put something together when the instructions don't come with it.

That really great spaghetti sauce recipe - proof that I don't need to cook better than anyone, I only need to cook things differently.

That stain in the back bedroom carpet - proof that the owner before me thought that white carpet was a great idea and who is, therefore, a couple crayons short of a 12 pack.

I'll never do anything perfectly, but I'll do it anyway.